Late night piece for y’all. Just some random thoughts for the day. My girlfriend is in Paris so I’m bored and felt like writing something random.
I love that I found my voice. But I’m making a new one. In finding it I learned how good I was. And that I’m actually even better than I could have imagined. I always used to say shit like “Im the flyest person you all know” to my friends. And I used to say things like no girl is out of my league. Shit like that. But I didn’t mean any of it. I was saying these things to affirm myself because my environment made me insecure. I needed to give myself some confidence to go out into the world. So I said mean things to the people around me to try to show I was confident. To show that when they said mean things to me it didn’t hurt me. I was faking it until I made it. And I can confidently say. I have made it. I genuinely believe I’m the coolest person I know out of all of my childhood and young adult friends and peers. I genuinely walk out of the house knowing I can have any woman I want. And there’s power in that. Power in knowing I am who I think I am. Power in being disciplined enough to know these things and still possess humility and decorum. To be respectful to those around me. That’s real confidence. To know you are the best, but not allowing that knowing to make you think you are above consequences. Or to make you think there are not people around you that feel the same way about themselves. And they aren’t wrong. We are each in our own universe. Just because you are the God of yours doesn’t mean that the next person is not the God of theirs. So conduct yourself as such. Conduct yourself as the God you are. But I will ignore consequences for right now and say this. None of these niggas I grew up with can fuck with me on any level. At all. And I made a grave mistake growing up thinking that they didn’t feel the same way about me that I feel right now. A grave mistake. I thought I was the only one projecting insecurities by being mean. But I didn’t realize that they were doing the same thing to me long before I realized I was insecure. That they came into friendship with me already having a chip on their shoulder. Already having something to prove to me. Why? Why am I the judge of their abilities? Why am I the standard of coolness for them? Why did I have to be less cool for them to feel cool? And why did I allow them to make me feel less cool? Because I’m pure. I’m a genuine good person. I place other people’s feelings over my own. RIP to that practice. It’s me first. And the rest of you are dead last. I hope everyone knows that when I say I’m the illest y’all have ever encountered that I really mean it. And I see you. You’ve all been exposed. You’ve been exposed because deep down you all knew it too. And you hid it from me all these years. And left me in this confused whirlwind of being the friend who plays the backseat. Knowing damn well I’m the front seat type guy. Never knowing how to play it because I’m such a loving person and good friend that I empower those around me to lean into their coolness. To be alpha. But not so alpha that they can run me. And that’s where we always clash. Because they tricked themselves into thinking I wasn’t just as alpha. If not more. In fact I’m so alpha that none of them were ever a threat to me or my masculinity. And the moment I show that I can stand on my own is the moment the love they had for me seems to disappear. And I realize all along that they wanted to be me. But they didn’t want me to be me. But I’ve caught you all red handed. I have finally figured it out. I’m the biggest bully. And I will never play the backseat again. Until a white man is driving my car and calling me boss. Stay out my way. Peace.